Why Don't People Like To Seek HELP?
为什么人们不太愿意救助呢？
你最近一次向外求助是什么时候了？不能立马想出来？也许已经相当长时间了吧。人们习惯了只有在处于紧急情况且别无选择时才寻求帮助或请求援助。但即使在那种情况下，他们也常常犹豫不决，不是吗？
以下的情景，你会选择向外求助吗？
婚姻关系恶化
业务下滑
与子女沟通障碍
同事之间明争暗斗
生活与工作无法平衡
性取向疑惑
拖延症状
感觉生活不对劲
对未来感到恐惧
遇到难缠的甲方等等
在我担任心理咨询师的时候，我经常提醒客户要善用社会资源，例如社会工作者、心理咨询师、自杀防治热线或教练等“帮助者”。你们是否不愿意寻求帮助？是因为害怕被批评？害怕被视为脆弱？担心声誉受损？担心被贴上神经病患者的标签？你们是否认为自己有能力处理问题？是否认为帮助者只是为了你的钱？是否没有勇气向朋友寻求介绍？还是觉得过一段时间问题会自然解决？相信命运会安排一切？或者你们觉得可以在社交媒体上找到答案？
也许你们需要反过来评估一下不求助的代价（Cost Of Inaction - COI），而不仅仅关注求助后的回报（Return On Investment - ROI）。以以上的10个案例为例，不采取行动可能会带来什么代价？
长期受困于婚姻问题，影响日常生活和工作。
无法适应新市场，一直在原地打转。
家庭压力对情绪产生持久影响。
员工士气低落，绩效受到拖累。
长期感到精疲力竭，无法专注处理重要事务。
长期受困于情绪问题，无法摆脱困境。
重要的决议一拖再拖，一直无法实施。
每天早上都不愿意起床上班，身体感觉沉重。
业务长期陷入僵局，失去了前进的方向。
项目无法得到批准，可能面临合同终止。
根据国际教练联盟(ICF)的统计数据，投资在教练身上的费用可以带来六倍以上的直接和间接回报。时间就是金钱，为什么要花上半年的时间来纠结，而不是在一个半小时的辅导中找到行动的解决方案呢？
要知道，成功的辅助关系需要以下三个条件，除了双方之间的化学反应。即使是佛祖也需要你是一个有缘人。当然，专业的帮助技术同样重要。
受助者愿意做出改变。
受助者相信帮助者能够提供帮助。
受助者愿意采取行动。
改变是需要时间的。如果有人向你保证一周后可以让你的利润增长十倍，或者一周后社交媒体的流量增加百倍，那你要小心了！
受助者可以开始结识专业的帮助者，建立一个需要时可以依靠的资源网络。为什么需要专业帮助呢？因为"帮助行业"也是一个专业领域，需要一定的技能来帮助受助者。有时候，即使是一个十分钟的电话通话，也可以解决当前的问题，让你能够继续前进。
你准备好了吗？
When was the last time you reached out for help? If it's been a while, chances are you rarely do. People are accustomed to seeking help or calling for assistance only when they are in a critical situation and have no other choice. But even then, they often hesitate, don't they?
In the following scenarios, would you seek help from others?
Deteriorating marriage relationship
Declining business performance
Communication difficulties with children
Office politics and conflicts among colleagues
Inability to balance work and personal life
Confusion about sexual orientation
Procrastination symptoms
Feeling that something is not right in life
Fear and uncertainty about the future
Dealing with a difficult client, and so on.
When I worked as a counselor, I often reminded my clients to make good use of social resources, such as social workers, counselors, suicide prevention hotlines, or coaches who can provide assistance. Don't you have access to these resources? Are you afraid of being criticized? Being seen as weak? Damaging your reputation? Being labeled as a mentally ill patient? Do you believe that you have the ability to handle everything on your own? Do you think that all helpers are just out to take your money? Are you lacking the courage to ask friends for recommendations? Or do you believe that things will get better on their own? Do you trust that fate will take care of everything? Or do you think you can find answers through social media videos?
Perhaps it's time to evaluate the cost of not seeking help (Cost Of Inaction - COI) rather than just focusing on the potential benefits of seeking help (Return On Investment - ROI). Let's take the above 10 scenarios as examples, what could be the costs of inaction?
Continuously struggling in a troubled marriage, affecting daily life and work.
Unable to adapt old work methods to a changing market, going in circles for years.
Family stress affecting emotions and well-being.
Low employee morale, impacting performance.
Constantly feeling mentally and physically exhausted, unable to focus on important matters.
Long-term emotional distress without an outlet.
Important projects continuously delayed, unable to implement them.
Reluctance to get out of bed in the morning, feeling heavier than a rock.
Stagnation in business with no clear direction for progress.
Projects unable to gain approval, facing the possibility of contract termination.
According to the International Coach Federation (ICF), the investment in coaching yields returns of at least six times the cost, both directly and indirectly. Time is also money, so why spend half a year agonizing over something that a half an hour coaching session can clarify?
It's important to note that successful helping relationships require three conditions, in addition to the chemistry between the two individuals involved. Even if a higher power is willing to intervene, you need to be the one with the connection. Of course, professional helping skills are equally important.
The person seeking help must be willing to change.
The person seeking help must believe that the helper can provide assistance.
The person seeking help must be willing to take action.
Change takes time. If someone guarantees you a tenfold increase in profit after just one week or promises to increase your social media traffic by a hundredfold, be cautious!
Individuals seeking help can start building a network of professional helpers as a resource for when they are in need. Why professionals? Because the "helping industry" is a specialized field that requires specific skills to assist those in need. Sometimes, even a ten-minute phone call can solve your immediate problem and help you move forward.
Are you ready?
Love.
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David Tsui | 徐敏聪
Business & Creativity Coach+Consultant
Ferryman
www.ferryman.pro
Coaching Brilliant Design Leaders That
Make A High Impact.
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