People Are Indeed Self Sufficient. How Did I Know?
人们都是“本自俱足”的。我怎么知道呢？
这是我曾记录的一段教练对话，令我相信人是“本自俱足”的，如佛家所言。为什么？因为客户的答案，那一刻的觉醒，最后都是被自己所启发的。作为教练也没有任何预算的计划，只是对客户保持好奇心，深信创造力能帮助组合合适的提问。事实是，创造力总不会令我失望，奇迹总会发生。
客户：我要去哪里？
教练：什么那里？
客户：不知道。
教练：你现在在那里？
客户：。。。。。都不知道
教练：那你知道什么？
客户：知道要寻找去哪里。
教练：寻找哪里对你有多重要？
客户：很重要。人生有了方向，不再感觉迷茫，能聚焦能量。
教练：哪里跟现在有什么不一样？
客户：哪里让我心安定。
教练：假设你现在已经心安定，是个怎么样的状况？
客户：不着急、能自己掌控时间、对未来充满希望、不再为钱忧愁。
教练：从迷茫到安定有多远，“一到十”，“十”最远？
客户：“八”
教练：那我们今天的教练对话的目标是什么？
客户：希望令自己安心。继续下去。
教练：对话完毕时，怎样才算是一个成功的对话。
客户：找到令自己安心的方法。
教练：你现在在“八”。。。。
客户：我希望能到“六”。
教练：好。试想一下，那个心安的你就在你面前，他有什么话要跟你说？
客户：他会说：你需要勇气，你需要行动，你需要资金。
教练：勇气、行动、资金都重要，那个最重要。
客户：。。。。。勇气
教练：你需要勇气去做什么？
客户：我需要勇气去突破自己的面子，不怕失败。失败了很丢脸。。。。。
教练：很有勇气的你是怎样的？
客户：。。。。。可以不眠不休，去吧一件事情做好，不觉得累，不觉得害怕。我没法克服自己的面子。。。。。
教练：所以面子是你发挥勇气的障碍。
客户：是的。
教练：现在你有一支魔术棒，可以把面子拆碎成三块，再扔掉，会是哪三块？
客户：过去的成就、不能忍受在人面前失败。。。。。、向熟识的人求生意
教练：哪一块比较容易丢的？
客户：三块都难，它们互相关连。
教练：我看你呼吸急促。你现在感觉如何？
客户：一提到哪些，就很不安。。。。。
教练：（沉默）
客户：（沉默）我要为自己做点事。
教练：什么事？
客户：我可以不向熟识的人去求生意，为何不多利用社交媒体，向外求。
教练：告诉我多一点。
客户：我想到一个传媒朋友，可能帮到我。
教练：你什么时间去找他？
客户：对话后就打电话约他聊聊。
教练：如果他没空或没打算帮助，你有其他选择吗？
客户：。。。。有的。我的老同学也是做传媒的。
教练：好。会有什么因素令你最后没有跟他们联系吗？
客户：不会的！不会的！我要做点事情。
教练：你身边有朋友可以监督你这件事的进程吗？
客户：有的。我有个生意拍档。我会把今天的对话跟他聊聊。互相监督。
教练：我很快的检查一下我们的今天的目标。你的安心距离原先在“八”，现在在哪里”
客户：。。。。。应该有“四”。
教练：恭喜你。是什么造成这个跃进的？从“八”到“四”？
客户：其实我可以跟我的生意拍档聊聊我的顾虑。还有我不用逼着自己去找我的朋友求生意。
教练：今天离开前，告诉我一件你学到的东西。
客户：只要面对就有答案。
教练：好。完毕前还有其它疑问吗？
客户：没有了。
教练：我们下周继续。
事实是，教练没有详细去理解客户的那一件事的来龙去脉，最后客户也没有提及。教练对话并不需要对某事件深入理解，但有需要抓住客户的思想脉络，阻碍他前行的心态。教练有没有给客户任何意见吗？没有。你和我认为客户的答案是否合适？哪并不重要，重点是在客户的世界里是可行的，能给他启发的。世界上没有最好的答案，因为好与否，是在客户的心中，我无权评判。前行的是他们，我只是一个提问者，激发他的思考，带领他进入一套思维模式里，让他自己找到答案，自我启发，自我问责。我没有给予任何意见及建议。事实是，我是无法改变任何人，除非他们自愿主动改变和积极行动。你会问，如果他最后没有任何进展，又如何？那是他的人生，是他的选择，要由自己负责。不过，我仍是他的思想拍档，当新挑战，老毛病、新问题再出现的时候，可以选择继续进行教练对话。一步一步地让他自我强化，继续前进。
中国的国歌里，“前进”这两个字就出现了4.5次，前进是要勇气的。教练工作的最终目标就是让客户转化，脱胎换骨，如同破茧成蝶。
This is a transcript of a coaching conversation that made me believe in the inherent potential of individuals, as the Buddhist teachings suggest. Why? Because the client's answers, their moment of awakening, were all inspired by themselves. As a coach, there was no predetermined plan, only a curiosity towards the client, and a deep belief that creativity can help combine appropriate questions. The fact is, creativity never fails to impress me, and miracles always happen.
Client: Where should I go?
Coach: Where?
Client: I don't know.
Coach: Where are you right now?
Client: ... I don't know either.
Coach: What do you know?
Client: I know that I need to find where to go.
Coach: How important is finding that place to you?
Client: It's important. Having a direction in life makes me feel less lost and allows me to focus my energy.
Coach: How is that place different from where you are now?
Client: That place brings me inner peace.
Coach: Imagine that you already have inner peace. What would that situation be like?
Client: I would be calm, in control of my time, hopeful about the future, and no longer worried about money.
Coach: On a scale of one to ten, with one being completely lost and ten being the farthest from it, how far are you from inner peace?
Client: Eight.
Coach: So, what is the goal of our coaching conversation today?
Client: I hope to find peace within myself and continue moving forward.
Coach: How would you define a successful conversation when we finish?
Client: Finding a way to bring peace to myself.
Coach: You are currently at an eight...
Client: I hope to reach a six.
Coach: Alright. Imagine that the version of you who has inner peace is right in front of you. What does he have to say to you?
Client: He would say, "You need courage, you need to take action, and you need resources."
Coach: Courage, action, and resources are all important, but which one is the most crucial?
Client: ... Courage.
Coach: What do you need courage for?
Client: I need courage to overcome my ego, to not fear failure. Failure is embarrassing...
Coach: How would a courageous version of you behave?
Client: ... They would work tirelessly on something, not feeling tired or afraid. I can't overcome my ego...
Coach: So, your ego is the obstacle to expressing courage.
Client: Yes.
Coach: Now, imagine you have a magic wand that can break your ego into three pieces, which you can then throw away. What would those three pieces be?
Client: Past achievements, the fear of failure in front of others... and seeking business from familiar people.
Coach: Which piece would be the easiest to discard?
Client: None of them are easy, as they are interconnected.
Coach: I notice you're breathing rapidly. How do you feel right now?
Client: Just mentioning them makes me feel uneasy...
Coach: (Silence)
Client: (Silence) I need to do something for myself.
Coach: What will you do?
Client: I can reach out to my media friend and see if they can help me.
Coach: Tell me more.
Client: I thought of a media acquaintance who might be able to assist me.
Coach: When will you reach out to them?
Client: I'll call them after this conversation and arrange a meeting.
Coach: If they are unavailable or unwilling to help, do you have other options?
Client: ... Yes. One of my old classmates also works in the media.
Coach: Great. What factors would prevent you from eventually contacting them?
Client: There won't be any! There won't be any! I need to take action.
Coach: Do you have friends who can supervise your progress with this matter?
Client: Yes. I have a business partner. I'll discuss today's conversation with them. We can keep each other accountable.
Coach: Let me quickly check our goal for today. Your distance from inner peace was originally an eight. Where is it now?
Client: ... It should be at a four.
Coach: Congratulations. What caused this breakthrough from eight to four?
Client: In reality, I can talk to my business partner about my concerns. Also, I don't have to force myself to seek business from my friends.
Coach: Before we finish today, tell me one thing you've learned.
Client: As long as I face it, there's an answer.
Coach: Good. Do you have any other questions before we end?
Client: None.
Coach: We'll continue next week.
The fact is, the coach didn't delve into the details of the client's specific issue, which the client also didn't mention. Coaching conversations don't necessarily require a deep understanding of a particular event, but rather an understanding of the client's thought process and the mindset that hinders their progress. Did the coach provide any advice to the client? No. Do you and I think the client made progress? It's not important, what matters is that it was feasible and inspiring in the client's world. There is no definitive right or wrong answer because what is good or not is subjective and lies within the client's heart. I don't have the authority to judge. It is the client who is making progress, and I am simply a questioner, stimulating their thinking, guiding them into a mindset, and helping them find their own answers, self-discovery, and self-accountability. I haven't given any advice or suggestions. The fact is, I cannot change anyone unless they willingly choose to change and take positive action. You may ask, what if they don't make any progress in the end? That is their life, their choice, and they are responsible for it. However, I can still be their thought partner, continuing the coaching conversation when new challenges, old patterns, or new issues arise. Step by step, I help them reinforce themselves and continue moving forward.
In the national anthem of China, the words "moving forward" appear 4.5 times. Moving forward requires courage. The ultimate goal of coaching is to facilitate the client's transformation, a rebirth like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.
Love.
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David Tsui|徐敏聪
Business & Creativity Coach+Consultant
Ferryman
www.ferryman.pro
Coaching Brilliant Design Leaders That
Make A High Impact.
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