How Leaders Can Break the Drama Triangle and Empower Others?
领导者如何打破“戏剧三角”，为他人赋能？
首先，什么是"戏剧三角"？
戏剧三角最初由心理学家斯蒂芬·卡普曼(Stephen Karpman)在1968年引入，由三个角色组成：受害者、迫害者和拯救者。它是一个心理模型，探索团队和组织中可能出现的有毒动态。我们看看每个角色将如何在领导力的体现中导致负面、责备和剥夺权力的恶性循环。
受害者：受害者的立场是“可怜我！受害型的领导者往往感到无助，他们会将其失败或困惑归咎于外部环境或他人。他们常常寻求认可和同情，无意中剥夺了自己和团队的选择权力。
迫害者：（又名恶棍）迫害者坚持说：“这都是你的错。” 救援人员的口号是 “让我帮助您”。扮演迫害者角色的领导者采取威权姿态，以破坏性的方式行使权力。他们可能批评、贬低或过度管理团队成员，从而营造出扼杀创造力、协作和成长的敌对环境。
拯救者：拯救者的口号是 ：“让我帮助您”。拯救者领导者相信他们必须像英雄般的挺身而出，为周遭的人解决问题，承担起他人的责任，往往因为忽略自己的需求而耗尽精力。虽然他们可能有良好的意图，但他们的拯救行为培养了别人的依赖性，失却自主能力。在团队中造成恶性循环。
在戏剧三角中，受害者、拯救者和迫害者在这场“游戏”中有什么特征？
将责任推卸给他人。
所有问题都是由他人制造的。害怕承担。
缺乏同理心，非常专注于自己当前的角色。
游戏的模式阻碍问题解决——戏剧规则。
维持模糊不清的边界。
游戏提供身份认同并填补空虚，因为两个人可以在三个角色中跳来跳去，为戏剧提供燃料。
领导团队的过程充满着挑战、冲突和复杂关系。究竟如何摆脱戏剧三角的束缚，培育赋能及积极影响的文化？
为了摆脱戏剧三角，每个领导者首先要知道自己身处其中。为什么戏剧？是因为我们需要和其他人分散我们对现实感受的注意力的东西。前一分钟你还很友善，以一种给予、友善和爱心的方式帮助别人，但下一分钟你就想殴打那些在电梯里挡住你的人。我们迫害然后拯救，然后感觉自己是受害者。这部戏剧在你的家庭和婚姻关系中展开的更加有趣。摆脱戏剧三角并不总是像你想象的那么容易。我们需要戏剧，我们习惯了八卦、呻吟和抱怨。我们喜欢指责。直到我们权衡过这样的生活的成本。
为了摆脱戏剧三角，可参考AceyChoy在1990年发布的“胜利者三角”的治疗模型。用于向患者展示在三个进入点中的任何一个进入三角形时如何改变社交活动。一旦觉察自己身处的角色，都需要有意识的作出以下回应：
受害者 – 鼓励受害者接受其脆弱性，解决问题的能力，并提高自我意识。他们要学会说“不”，保护自己的权益，并避免被他人操纵。尝试主动接受他人的帮助，并寻求适当的支持，而不是沉溺于被动和无助的状态，并采取积极的行动。
迫害着 – 鼓励迫害者提出自己想要的东西，要自信，但不能惩罚。他们要认识到通过欺凌和控制别人无法获得真正的满足感，转向建立尊重和合作的关系。也要学习努力理解他人的感受和观点，以更加人性化和尊重的方式与他人互动。
拯救者 – 鼓励救援人员表现出关注和关怀，但不要过度伸张和解决别人的问题。他们要意识到每个人都有能力解决自己的问题，不再过度干预别人的生活。反而，提供倾听和支持，而不是仅仅解决他人的问题。鼓励别人独立思考和找到解决方案的能力。再将关注焦点转移到自己的成长和发展上，而不是过度关注别人的问题。
戏剧三角中的角色如何改变？建议“受害者”采用“创作者”的替代角色，将“迫害者”视为“挑战者”，并请“教练”代替“拯救者”。
“受害者”→“创造者” - 鼓励受害者解决问题，而非把问题放大，并有能力承担应工作与生活面对挑战的责任。他们是有选择的，应该把注意力解决他们所要实现的目标，以创意来解决当前的“动态紧张”。
“迫害者”→“挑战者” – 鼓励迫害者把迫害别人的心态去挑战自我。从新检视他们的内在需求及要承担的责任，并促使受害者与其共同学习成长。
“拯救者”→“教练者” - 鼓励拯救者把受害者视为有能力作出选择和解决问题的人。他们的角色是赋能，强化别人的能力及勇气，让他们有能力面对自己的问题，达到自己的目标，而非拯救者的目标。
每个角色的改变都涉及到个人的意识转变和行为调整。通过培养自我意识、发展积极的沟通技巧和建立健康的人际关系。摆脱戏剧三角对于领导者创造赋予力量和积极的环境，让个人蓬勃发展、协作并发挥最佳作用至关重要。培养一种负责任、成长和集体成功的文化。让我们踏上这个变革之旅，赋予自己和团队持久的积极影响力。
Firstly, what is the "Drama Triangle"?
The Drama Triangle was originally introduced by psychologist Stephen Karpman in 1968 and consists of three roles: the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer. It is a psychological model that explores toxic dynamics that can occur in teams and organizations. Let's see how each role can lead to a negative, blame-oriented, and disempowering cycle in the context of leadership:
Victim: The Victim's stance is "poor me!" Victim-type leaders often feel helpless and attribute their failures or confusion to external circumstances or others. They often seek recognition and sympathy, inadvertently depriving themselves and their team of agency.
Persecutor (also known as the Villain): Persecutors insist, "It's all your fault." Leaders who play the role of the Persecutor take on authoritarian postures and exercise power in destructive ways. They may criticize, belittle, or micromanage team members, creating a hostile environment that stifles creativity, collaboration, and growth.
Rescuer: The Rescuer's motto is, "Let me help you." Rescuer leaders believe they must step in as heroes to solve problems for those around them, taking on the responsibility of others at the expense of neglecting their own needs. While they may have good intentions, their rescuing behavior fosters dependency and undermines autonomy, creating a vicious cycle within the team.
In the Drama Triangle, what are the characteristics of the Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor roles in this "game"?
Blaming others and avoiding personal responsibility.
Seeing all problems as created by others and avoiding accountability.
Lacking empathy and being highly self-focused in their current role.
Engaging in game patterns that hinder problem-solving—playing by the rules of drama.
Maintaining blurred boundaries.
Finding identity and filling voids through the game, as two people can switch roles among the three, fueling the drama.
The process of leading teams is filled with challenges, conflicts, and complex relationships. How can we break free from the constraints of the Drama Triangle and foster an empowering and positive culture?
To break free from the Drama Triangle, every leader must first become aware of their own role within it. Why the drama? Because we need something to distract ourselves from fully experiencing reality with others. One minute you're friendly, helping others in a giving, kind, and loving way, and the next minute you want to beat up the people blocking you in the elevator. We persecute, then rescue, then feel victimized. This drama plays out even more intriguingly in our family and marital relationships. Breaking free from the Drama Triangle is not always as easy as you might imagine. We need the drama; we're used to gossiping, whining, and complaining. We enjoy blaming. Until we've weighed the cost of living such a life.
To break free from the Drama Triangle, you can refer to the therapeutic model called the "Winner's Triangle" introduced by Acey Choy in 1990. It is used to show patients how social interactions change when any one of the three entry points enters the triangle. Once aware of the role they are playing, conscious responses are needed:
Victim → Creator: Encourage victims to embrace their vulnerability, problem-solving abilities, and increased self-awareness. They need to learn to say "no," protect their own boundaries, avoid manipulation, actively accept help from others, seek appropriate support, and take proactive action instead of indulging in passivity and helplessness.
Persecutor → Challenger: Encourage persecutors to challenge themselves to move away from a mindset of persecuting others. They need to reexamine their inner needs and the responsibility they must take, and shift towards building respectful and cooperative relationships. They also need to make efforts to understand others' feelings and perspectives and interact with others in a more humane and respectful manner.
Rescuer → Coach: Encourage rescuers to show care and concern without overextending themselves or solving others' problems. They need to realize that everyone has the ability to solve their own problems and should refrain from excessive interference in others' lives. Instead, they should provide listening and support, rather than solely solving others' problems. Encourage others to think independently and find their own solutions. Shift the focus of attention to their own growth and development, rather than excessive concern for others' problems.
Changing each role in the Drama Triangle involves personal mindset shifts and behavioral adjustments. By cultivating self-awareness, developing positive communication skills, and building healthy relationships, breaking free from the Drama Triangle is crucial for leaders to create an empowering and positive environment where individuals thrive, collaborate, and perform at their best. Cultivate a culture of accountability, growth, and collective success. Let us embark on this journey of transformation and empower ourselves and our teams to have a lasting positive impact.
Love.
David Tsui | 徐敏聪
Business & Creativity Coach+Consultant
Ferryman
Coaching Brilliant Design Leaders That
Make A High Impact.
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